A Trust So Terrifying

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Photo taken by Justin Pham.

During a church retreat that I attended a few weeks ago, my fellow friends and I engaged in a series of obstacle courses that encircled around the aspects of teamwork and trust.

There were easy courses like trying to jump through a “rope web” and swinging on a rope. But there were also extremely difficult ones that messed with my emotions and thoughts.

It was the trust fall. You would think it isn’t too bad… but oh yes it was. We were to stand on top of a 4-foot platform and fall into our groups arms who were on the ground.

Walking up the steps to get to the platform made my heart sink. I get to the top, look down. Fear swells up my eyes. I see my friends on the floor, smiling like everything was okay. I wonder, “Can I trust them? What if I fall? What if I fall and break my back because from up here, that seems pretty possible…?” Nervousness overcomes my mind. I can’t break loose.

It is time.

My back faces them. I’m just staring at a tree, waiting for life to flash right before my eyes. “Ready to fall,” I say with anxiety. My friends proclaim with confidence, “Fall on!” I take a breath. Vikki, you can do this. Trust them. I reply with unease, “Falling.”

I fall back. I scream with all my heart. They catch me and as I stand up, my legs shake uncontrollably. I look at my close friend, Madeline LaBriola, and start laughing like crazy. I look at her with concern. Tears stream down my face as we hug. I simply just cry with anguish as I fall in her arms.

As I relieve myself into a tranquil state, I think about how this relates to God. Throughout my years, I’ve never thought that it was hard to just give my life to God and trust in him to take care of it. It’s a very divergent feeling to experience this physically with my body, not my soul. When people say to give your heart to God, it seems like the easiest thing to do, to me. To come in contact with this idea physically here on Earth, however, was probably the most terrifying experience that I could ever come across.

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